The NICU in McKinney is a very small unit...sometimes feeling more like a closet...like on night day 12. The NICU received another baby during my 9 pm feeding, however this time the baby was stable and the mother was the one in distress and so they did not kick me out. The down side was that when I arrived Olivia had been pushed back into a little bity corner...I could not even get her incubator open because her monitors were in the way of the door. This made me wonder how much attention she had been given...and then her nurse told me that she had not even had time to see her yet...this was 9pm and her nurse had taken over at 7pm.
With 6 babies in the NICU and 13 in the regular nursery it was a hectic, loud, bright, and cold night in the hospital..nothing like it usually is at that time. I fed Olivia and then just sat holding her, I could not bare the thought of leaving her knowing she was going to be ..as her nurse told me "on auto pilot tonight" Who tells a mom that? I know that Olivia sleeps almost all of the time, but you do not want to leave your tiny baby all night..."on auto pilot". I left around midnight knowing I had to be back up there by 6 am....I cried the whole way home.
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16 years ago
I hated that. But I got very few late night visits. Lots of days I went in to see Matthew and the nurses were feeding him late. They would say, he never complains and these other babies are screaming. So he very often just laid there alone and awake in his tiny box of a bed. Broke my heart. I just wanted him home so I could love on him and snuggle him. Luckily they are so small and sleep mostly and you know they don't remember. Atleast this isn't the norm for you. Olivia is progressing so fast that she will be home soon. Just a down part of this emotional roller coaster you are on.
ReplyDeleteThat is horrible! I guess the only positive side is that it means she is doing better. Hang in there she knows you love her and will come home before long.
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