Can you say WOW! Look at this quilt! It is really the most beautiful quilt I have ever seen. I LOVE IT! It is just my style and I really love everything about it. A couple of friends of mine Sherry and Natalie made it for Olivia...Can you believe that! I am so thankful and impressed...they are very talented and I am so grateful that they generously shared their talents with us. I find myself just laying her in her crib so that she and I can admire the quilt! Thank you Sherry and Natalie!
This outfit that she is wearing is supposed to be a pants set...it is from Carters and is Newborn up to 7 lbs. I tried the pants on her and they were huge, so on the diaper change I left them off and then decided that we liked it better as a dress anyway!
I cannot believe that she is already one month old....because she has just been home a week now, we all feel like she is just a week old.
Olivia is still doing wonderful, she is looking even cuter if that is possible. Today while I was feeding her I noticed the start of a double chin!...Yeah Olivia... you go! I was starting to feel like she is not so tiny and fragile and then Ryan and I gave her a bath, and when I lifted her out of the water and onto my chest I caught a glimpse of her in the mirror...Oh My! She is still so little bitty! She once again, being naked, looked very tiny and delicate. I was reminded that she is still 2 weeks from her due date!
Olivia continues to choke and turn blue while I am feeding her, however she is not doing it as much. I have noticed that she cannot have any noise whatsoever...if the kids are around or I am on the phone it is just to much for her to concentrate and she will choke. This has left me to nurse her in my bedroom where it is quite and I am starting to feel very isolated. My cousin Effie said a comment that has really helped me...she reminded my that the first few weeks of nursing is always miserable! I find that to be very true and very comforting...just knowing that I would be going through this regardless of her prematurity...its funny the things that I take comfort in these days.
I am wondering this on her one month birthday...when will I look at January 9th as a wonderful day to celebrate? Right now every time I think of that day I think about the terror I felt driving to the ER, not feeling her move and thinking in my head...here it is, my worst fear is coming true...my baby is dying right now...I am really facing this. When will I stop mourning the rest of my pregnancy? I keep wishing that I had a chance to get really big...and to have labor and to deliver my baby...I know that it is stupid...and I am so grateful to have Olivia here and healthy however it came about...but I find myself thinking on January 9th with anguish and overwhelming sadness...and that is not fair to Olivia. Hopefully soon January 9th will hold the miracle of her safe delivery, the miracle of this tiny spirit entering the world in all of her drama, and the miracle of life and the sweet mercies of God.
My first, Alexis came 4 weeks early. On her due date, I took her to Kiddie Kandids in the mall and had her picture taken. It was and still is a special group of pictures to me. Maybe not the mall for Olivia but I am sure you will take special pictures of her on that day. She'll be big and crawling before you know it so love her tiny body while you can. Matthew is running around the house telling himself "No no" while doing notty things. I feel like he had grown so much. She is looking really great!
ReplyDeleteHi, Jamie
ReplyDeleteThis is Tami (Pete's wife). I have been keeping up with Olivia's recent delivery from emails and have just been reading you blog. This entry really made an impact on me. Because I really know how you feel. With my second baby I had to have an emergency C-section (maybe you have heard the story). I had a beautiful birth planned at a birth center. After 6 hours of labor we got there. I got in the tub, it felt so wonderful and they had lit candles all around the room- perfect. Them the midwife said she was going to check me and the baby was not in my pelvis (she was almost sideways in me). She had me get out and it was so hard to do because I knew I was giving up the beautiful birth I wanted so much for ME. I somehow knew that Reesie was all right. I was so sad for myself. I cryed the whole way to the hospital and as they were prepping me for surgery I keep thinking "isn't there some other way". It was very hard and I had a hard recovery with 5 days in the hospital and a uterine infection, and then when I did get home I was not doing my coughing exersizes and got pnemonia. But, everyone would always say "but you had a healthy baby and that is the most important thing". I am so grateful for that but I still felt the pain from what I had lost and waited so long for. A beautiful, peaceful, joyful birth of my daughter. Instead I got a surgery I never planned on. But, I do feel like I have healed. By telling your story it helps you heal. I try to talk everyone I know out of getting a C-section if they can help it.
I also know the pain of mastitis and blocked ducts. I had so many. I have some natural cures if you are interested. Sorry about this long post! I hope all the best for little Olivia.
~Tami