Brian has said that I am a little too "descriptive and honest" in my blog entries...in fact he reminds me quite often that I love a good adjective:) I like to be real but fear that I have been real on the side of negative...the truth is I have never felt more Joy, more Hope and more Love than I do at this time in my life.
Sometimes we do not know when we are just coasting through our lives...and I was coasting. Until this pregnancy and the ultimate blessing of Olivia I think that I had lost a sense of what is real and what is important...I had become selfish. I had found my worth and purpose in things that really did not matter at all. Through the struggles of being physically unable to do all that I required of myself with this pregnancy and recovery, I have been humbled like you wouldn't believe. Through the limits placed in my path I have also realized where my worth as a person should be placed...
Olivia for whatever reason was born early, and not the way that I had planned...but maybe that's just it...I am not in charge of everything....from the very beginning Olivia has taught both Brian and I this....that we are not in charge... Starting with the simple realization that we needed another little person in our family when we thought we were done...then the year of trying, and then the months of infertility drugs....finally showing us with the traumatic but ultimately blessed and wonderful birth of this sweet little person. It is now our job to learn from these experiences what we were meant to. It is my job now as a mother to humble myself enough to give up what I thought was so important for a greater cause...to love, and give, and grow this little family of mine...so in the weeks to come as a "shut-in" I so lovingly refer to it (for anyone that knows me and the truth that I hate sitting still for even a min., and have never spent a whole day at home unless forced to) I hope to treasure this time to make myself a better person....a better wife and daughter, a better friend and neighbor, and a better mommy:) Thanks Olivia! (Target will miss me!)