A day of worst case scenarios

Day #3 of Olivia's life was met with the worst case scenario's given from her Dr. Dr. Jan came to my room Sunday and said he wanted to give it all to me straight. He said they do not believe in candy coating anything to the parents, that it was not helpful. Dr. Jan said that after being Ventilated twice that if Olivia had to go back on the Ventilator today that she would need to be transferred to a Level 3 NICU in Plano - that they would need her somewhere they could provide her with long-term care in this way. This would mean that she would be in a different hospital...30 min. away from me. He also said that just as I had lost a lot of blood that so had Olivia...Apparently at the end, my body started sucking blood back into itself from Olivia to survive. He said that she was just on the verge of needing a blood transfusion and that we would check her levels again in the morning to see what should be done. They also were running an ultrasound of her brain, and would let us know if they saw anything....and furthermore they need to do an echo of her heart to see if the hole babies are all born with...was too big and did not close a little because of her age. They thought this might be a possibility of why she was having such a hard time controlling her respiration's. Needless to say, this was painful and scary to hear...My heart was aching for this little tiny piece of me fighting so hard. They kept telling me that she was going to be fine...but with all of this "what ifs" I was sinking into a tunnel of despair and worry...I needed to have faith and I knew that...but it was hard. I found myself not wanting to talk or move..just gaze out the window and plead to God to heal my baby.